Heard at My Table

"Dear Jesus," Lily begins to pray.

"Please help me to get a unicorn for a pet...." and the prayer continues from there, eventually ending with a "Thank you for our food. Amen."

My dear girl, I think to myself, we're going to have to work on that.

Then, I began to wonder what God thinks of our prayers sometimes. Does He sometimes hear our prayers and think to Himself--

"Oh, my sweet child, you're not exactly asking for the right things. But, you know, that's okay. We can work on that."

Having a Moment

I'm having an overwhelmed moment, one of those moments when I just don't know if I'm equipped for this.

When we first brought Lily home from this hospital (at 6 months of age), it wasn't long before she began occupational therapy through our local Birth to 3 program. When the therapist would update progress notes, she would ask me sometimes for my ideas on goals for Lily.

"I want her to catch up to Leah."

That's not so unrealistic. Most preemies do, right? Eventually? They "catch up", and years later, you'd never know who walked first, talked first, or waved first.

I'm starting to realize that Lily may never "catch up" like that.

Within the last month or two, Lily's Speech Therapist did some testing with Lily, and said Lily has some issues with auditory processing. I knew that she was working on memory things with Lily, and it kind of clicked how that has been an issue for us.

Between the ages of 4 and 5, most kids can follow multiple-step directions. Lily can't. You have to break it down for her, slowly, and sometimes she still can't remember everything. I would get frustrated.....thinking she wasn't listening, but I didn't really understand.

When you have a kid who is born with a lot of medical problems, and they survive, you feel so grateful and blessed that they're alive. Then you deal with the other stuff....results from them spending 6 months of their life in a hospital bed, 18 months with a tube in their neck helping them breathe, 3 years getting nutrition from a tube in their belly, and their whole life being so susceptible to respiratory illness that neither one of you even remember how many hospitalizations they've had anymore.

And, once you get through all of that, somehow you think things will get easier. But they don't. Because now you're dealing with the aftereffects of all that. Now you deal with gross motor delays like not being able to walk until age 3-1/2 or jump until they're 5. You deal with reflex integration delays, making so many things more difficult, like moving upper and lower parts of the body independently or left and right sides independently. You deal with speech delays, which should eventually get better....and they do....but they don't.

Now, we add in some auditory processing issues. It makes sense, when I read about it. Things start clicking in my mind. I see where the issues are. And, I wonder if I'm equipped for this, homeschooling this child. With one child who has issues, I'd really hoped it would be easier with Lily and Leah. But it's not looking that way.

So, I'm taking a moment. A moment to really feel.

And, then many more moments to pray.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are

wonderful, I know that full well." --Psalm 139:13-14

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it

will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." --Albert Einstein

Seize the Moments

...to put flowers in your hair...

...to lounge on blankets...

...to show off toothless grins...

...of white on white...

....catch far-off views....

...and close-ups of "the eye"...

...play games of Uno while waiting for fireworks...

....or pretend to be a spy...

...it doesn't....

.....really matter....

...as long....

....as we're together....

....and mommy can practice taking pictures with a "fancy" camera.

Note to self: must budget $2000 for a "fancy" camera.

What I did today....

4:30 am...Lily climbs into my bed coughing and breathing so coarsely I can hear it without a stethoscope.

4:43 am....Up and attem. Taking Lily down for a neb and vest treatment.

6:00 am...Breakfast for Lily. The other two are still sound asleep.

9:00 am...Time for another neb and vest.

9:30 am....I am about to crash. Nap on the couch. Elise decides to make granola. Every few minutes one of the girls is asking me about something.

12:00 pm....The puking begins. Cough and throw up. Cough and throw up. Cough and spit out mucus. Cough, cough, cough.

The girls are watching way too much TV this afternoon, but I've decided to let it go. For today.

Holding, snuggling, cleaning up vomit. Cleaning up the kitchen. Squeeze in another neb and vest. More holding, snuggling, pushing fluid, cleaning up mucus and vomit. Coughing, coughing, coughing.

4:00 pm...I make soup. Eastern European Red Lentil. Perfect vegetarian healing soup.

Dinner, which Lily sleeps through. (Fine...she probably couldn't keep it down anyway.)

6:00 pm...Lily wakes up. More coughing, more throwing up, more cleaning up, more pushing sips of electrolytes (coconut water).

Make vegetarian Jell-o. Give another neb and vest. Read "The Sugar Snow" chapter in "Little House in the Big Woods."

And, I am one exhausted mommy with a whole lotta laundry to take care of tomorrow. Now, I'm going down to check on my sweet pea and relieve my husband (who's keeping an eye on her now).

Snow Fun!

It won't be long until all the snow is gone....or, at least I hope it won't be long. Like many of us, I am SO ready for Spring....and consistently warm weather.

A couple of weeks ago, we took advantage of a somewhat mild-er day to take the kids sledding. My niece and nephew were staying with us. The girls had such a good time playing with their cousins, and I got a taste of what life is like with 5 kiddos! :~)

Group picture? Check

Big grins? Check

Super duper sledding hill? Check

I think Leah went down once or twice, but she didn't care for the bumpy ride.

Elise, on the other hand, couldn't get enough. She *loved* it!

My niece loved it too.

Leah preferred to roll down the hill or slide on her bottom.

Lily went down twice, and that was enough for her. Too bumpy.

And, we all went home for "chocolate tea" (that's what my niece calls hot cocoa).

Tasty Tuesday - Chana Masala

It's been 6 hours since dinner, and my whole house still smells like an Indian restaurant. I love it! Chana Masala is one of those super easy meals that you can throw together in minutes, but it has big flavor impact.

Chana Masala

Ingredients:

2 tbs of oil, for sauteing

1 medium onion, chopped

2 tsp - 1 tbs garlic-ginger paste (I got mine at a local Indian market)

1 tbs chana masala spice blend (also from the Indian market, but you could sub in garam masala or even curry powder, which would alter the flavors)

1/2 - 1 tsp cumin seeds

1/4 tsp (or more if you like it really spicy) of Red Chilli powder (made from dried red chilli's, not to be confused with Mexican chili powder), you could replace with Cayenne or red pepper flakes in a pinch

Cardamom, a couple of pinches, optional

Salt, to taste

2 tbs tomato paste

1 can chickpeas (chana/channa), drained and rinsed

3 tbs of chickpea liquid, reserved

1/3 - 1/2 cup coconut milk (use more or less depending on your tastes)

Saute onion until it starts to soften. Add garlic-ginger paste (garlic cloves and a bit of grated or powdered ginger would also work here). Saute for a minute; add the other spices. Let cook for a few minutes, until the spices become very fragrant. Toss in the chickpeas, reserved liquid (or water), tomato paste, and coconut milk. Salt and pepper to taste. Simmer 5-6 minutes, stirring occasionally. At this point, you can add some water, if you'd like it more saucy. Taste, and adjust spices as necessary. You can top with some chopped cilantro if you wish. Serve over rice (we like Jasmine, but Basmati would be excellent).

Now, if you really want to up the ante, you can also make a delicious Mango Lassi. I just put some So Delicious plain yogurt in the blender...8-9 oz, added almond milk (maybe 2 cups worth), and filled the carafe with frozen mango chunks (it maybe ended up being about 1/2 a package), drizzled in some honey, and added a pinch of cinnamon (cardamom is another excellent choice, but my kids prefer the cinnamon). Blend until smooth.

Check out Balancing Beauty and Bedlam for more Tasty Tuesday recipes.

Today, the laundry...

Lily is sick. (I am now wondering how many of my blog entries begin almost exactly this way....or maybe I don't really want to know.) And, today, I wash clothes like a squirrel collects and stores nuts for the winter.

We have been very blessed this year, in that, aside from a few little colds, Lily hasn't been *as* sick this year as she was last year. After last winter, I spent part of the summer researching....researching ways to boost Lily's immune system. So, I found some good vitamin D drops, and I read more about essential oils. We slowly weaned Lily off Prevacid and are now treating her GERD with ginger and cultured coconut milk (So Delicious). We have pretty much cut out most dairy for her. When she isn't sick, I'll let her cheat a little and maybe have a little bit of parmesan on her pasta or a little ice cream, but for the most part, at home, she's dairy free. And, she knows that dairy isn't good for her, and will ask me if something is okay for her to eat.

I've been making green smoothies, and ALL of my kids like them. Even my dad, who is quite possibly the pickiest eater on the planet and who doesn't like smoothies, thought my PB Mint Chip Green Smoothie was pretty good!

All of this has helped, and it has been so nice that we've all been healthier this winter.

But...now Lily is sick. And, today I do the laundry like the Mama Bear scrounges for blueberries on Blueberry Hill.

You see, there comes a point in one of these illnesses that things change. I don't even know exactly how I know when that point occurs, except I do. (It's probably that still, small Voice that tells me.) Lily may be sick for a week, and I haven't checked her O2 sats because they've been fine and it's a pretty mild bug, but one night Something tells me to check, so I do, and her oxygen levels are borderline and falling.

Most moms of chronically ill kids can probably relate to this. There comes a point in every illness where you know...you know it's either going to get worse, and you'll end up in the hospital, or they'll start to get better, and you'll avoid it. Every time we reach this point, I start doing laundry and baking bread....because I know I might have to spend a week in the hospital with Lily, and I want to know that everyone will have enough clean clothes and food to eat while I'm gone.

So far, Lily is doing okay. She sounds pretty coarse and gurgly--even after nebs, but her O2 levels are okay in room air...not as high as I like to see them but certainly not terrible. Now, I watch, wait, and do the laundry.